Tag Archives: success

The growth mindset and success

Which statement describes what you believe:?

  1. You can learn new things but you really can’t change your IQ very much.  It is just something that is just part of your DNA.
  2. You can not only learn new things but substantially change how intelligent you are.

In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck distinguishes between two very different mindsets that she discovered among students in her research.  She describes them like this:

The fixed mindset is one where the student believes that their personality, their intelligence, ability or skill is unchangeable.  Consequently, if you believe in the fixed mindset and do well in school you were obviously born smart and without too much effort you will ace the next test and ultimately the class.  If you were born with athletic ability, you will be an asset to the team and while you will benefit from training you’ve got what it takes to be a star.  The flip side of this mindset is the belief that if you were born without the necessary intelligence or athletic ability, it doesn’t matter how much effort you put in, you will not be successful or attain your goals.  Students with fixed mindsets tend to avoid challenges and situations that seem too hard.  They tend to avoid failure by sticking to things that they know they can master easily.

The growth mindset is one where a student believes that their personality, intelligence, ability or skill is changeable and with focused effort and training they can change the outcome.  If you are failing algebra class, you can redouble your efforts, learn the necessary material and pass the class.  If you aren’t the best athlete on your team, you can train and develop the necessary skill you need to become a top notch team player. Students with growth mindsets tend to embrace challenges. Rather than wallow in failure or give up when the going gets tough, they focus instead on the process necessary to attain the goal.

While Dweck distinguishes between the two separate mindsets, she is quick to point out that they frequently overlap.  A student may believe that they are just plain dumb in math and can’t master it, while at the same time believing that with enough effort and practice they can become the next Michael Jordan.  The important piece of the equation is recognizing the mindset and teaching children not just how to cope with failure but how to think about  failure as a learning process and a stepping stone to a goal.

Changing Fixed to Growth

Here’s how we as adults can  help children develop a growth mindset, (yes even our mindset can be changed)…

  • Help children recognize that learning is truly a life long process.  We never arrive at the final destination.  No matter how advanced your knowledge of math, or technology or a sport, there is always more to learn.  That is why the great athletes still have coaches.
  • Help children re-frame failure and disappointing results as an opportunity to learn and grow.  Encourage them to ask “What can I learn from this?” and “Where is the opportunity in this?” rather than focus on comparing themselves to others’ results and abilities.
  • Help children measure growth and success by comparing their current abilities with where they started rather than comparing their current ability with the end result or someone else.  While goals help us chart the course, it is not a good yardstick for achievement.

Finally, one of the best ways to influence the children in your life is by recognizing and if necessary, changing your own mindset from fixed to growth.  Make sure you are modeling and reinforcing a growth mindset in all you do.

Related posts

Creating a growth mindset in kids

Helping kids find their voice

Why failing first leads to success

Check out how Wyatt’s Grandmother helps him develop a growth mindset…

Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning

Wyatt the Wonder Dog didn’t make it on the All Star baseball team and he feels like a loser.  All  his friends will be playing baseball this summer, while he and his pesky sister, Callie, visit grandparents at the beach.  How Wyatt learns to handle disappointment and failure will be an important lesson for the future.  Will he give up trying new things?  Will he have the confidence to try again?  Are there some things that take more practice and persistence to learn than others? Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns About Winning
Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning (Wyatt the Wonder Dog Books) (Volume 5)

 

7 ways to help a perfectionistic child

Is your child a perfectionist?

Do they put more pressure on themselves to succeed than you do?

Does he become hysterical when he misses one question on a test or doesn’t make the highest grade?

Does she collapse into tears when she strikes out at bat or misses a catch?

Does he always seems to be beating himself up about something?

If you have a child that is hard to motivate and who could care less about grades or hitting a home run, then this might seem like a dream come true.  A child that actually cares about their performance?  How wonderful!

But the parent of a perfectionist knows that there is a great deal of concern about the amount of stress and pressure that this child puts on himself.  These children tend to have a skewed vision of success and hold impossibly high standards for themselves.  They are driven and committed , with little patience and even downright frustration for siblings or friends who do not pursue the same standards of excellence.

Since our society places a great deal of importance on both academic and extracurricular success, you may find that perfectionistic tendencies are actually exacerbated at school and in sports activities.  However, this is more than a child putting their best foot forward and being the best they can be.  This is a child that has unrealistic expectations of themselves and who has great difficulty handling mistakes of any kind, much less failure to win top honors.  The persistent drive to be perfect at all times, sets a child up for constant worry and disappointment.  In addition, he rarely has down time when he can relax and be himself  without striving to meet performance expectations.

Where does this perfectionistic drive come from?  Brene Brown in her excellent book entitled The Gift of Imperfection, notes that her research indicates perfectionism is at it’s root a desire to please others.  It is based in a feeling of never being good enough and always striving for reassurance.

What practical steps can a parent or educator do to encourage and support a child that is a perfectionist? Here are a few:

  • Evaluate the messages that you give both directly and indirectly.  If you are frequently acknowledging the high grades, first place trophies, or being the best on the team to others, then you are encouraging the child to only feel worthwhile when they measure up.    Make sure that you praise and recognize the effort and the energy put forth to succeed not just the end result.
  • Re-frame losing as an opportunity to learn.  Even when a child succeeds, note the energy involved.  “Wow, your hard practice paid off!”
  • Help the child with unrealistic and unhealthy thinking practices.  Perfectionists tend to think in extremes.  “If I win, then I’m a winner and perfect.  If I lose I’m a loser and stupid.”  Help them discover the place of authenticity, “Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but I’m always worthwhile no matter what.”
  • Don’t protect children from mistakes.  Instead help them to see the learning and opportunities in failure.  Be open and honest about modeling the mistakes that you make and how you handle them.  Teach them ways to handle disappointment and failure in a positive way.
  • Make sure the message that “you are enough just as you are” permeates all of your interactions so that children don’t feel they have to earn your approval through their actions.
  • Look for the humorous and light-hearted moments in life. Engage in some activities where the child does not have to perform or be the best.  Instead schedule time for things that are fun, relaxing or require a new skill.
  • Point out examples of people who tackle disappointment and failure in their own lives, yet are ultimately successful.  Watch movies and read books with characters that are good role models.

Related Posts:
3 Ways to Teach Your Kids to Be Leaders
4 Secret Skills Kids Need to Succeed Today
The Greatest Gift a Teacher Can Give

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12 Grab ‘N Go Lesson Plans for School Counselors!

Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning

Wyatt the Wonder Dog didn’t make it on the All Star baseball team and he feels like a loser.  All  his friends will be playing baseball this summer, while he and his pesky sister, Callie, visit grandparents at the beach.  How Wyatt learns to handle disappointment and failure will be an important lesson for the future.  Will he give up trying new things?  Will he have the confidence to try again?  Are there some things that take more practice and persistence to learn than others?  Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns About Winning
Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning (Wyatt the Wonder Dog Books) (Volume 5)