Category Archives: parenting

DISCover Your Personality Style

Good counselors and educators do things well.

Great counselors teach and inspire others to do things well.

This month I was at the Kentucky School Counselor Conference in Lexington, Kentucky (shout out to all the GREAT counselors that I met there), where I taught a session on understanding personality style and working in your strengths. One of the advantages of training counselors in DISC personality is the enthusiasm that they bring to the session.  DISC training adds an innovative and creative tool to the counselor toolbox.

Not familiar with DISC personality training?  Here are the basics:

The Four Basic Personality Styles

According to the DISC personality program, there are four basic personality styles.  We are all blends of these.  Here are the characteristics of each.:

D:  dominant, determined, decisive

I:  interactive, inspiring, influential

S:  stable, sweet, supportive

C:  competent, cautious, conscientious

Why DISC works

There are several reasons why the DISC is a good fit for anyone working with children.  Here are some of the reasons that as a certified DISC trainer, I love sharing this with counselors, educators and parents.

  • DISC is a great tool because it is easy to understand.  This means that counselors can quickly learn the basic four personality styles and share them with parents, students and educators on their team.  Unlike some personality assessments that take the equivalent of a college degree to understand, DISC can be taught in a quick one time session.
  • DISC is a great tool because it is practical and immediately applicable.  Most participants in my sessions not only quickly understand how it works but they begin sharing insights about themselves and other participants while we are still in the session.  They also gain insight into interactions with coworkers, family members and friends.
  • DISC is a great tool because it transforms relationships.  When you learn the personality styles, you don’t just understand yourself better, you also begin to understand and celebrate all the other personality styles around you.  It helps you encourage leadership traits (which show up differently for the different styles) and you learn how to motivate each different style by working in their unique strengths and interests.

If you aren’t familiar with DISC personality assessment, I hope I’ve piqued your curiosity.  Similar to the growth mindset work that Carol Dweck has done, DISC encourages an openness to learning from failure as well as success.  It celebrates our differences and encourages us to focus on and develop our strengths.

Interested in learning more about your personality style?  You can take an online assessment on this website.  I’ll even do an interpretation for you to help you make sense of the information.  Check out the sidebar on wyatthewonderdog.com for more information.

Want to learn how understanding personality can transform your perspective and relationships?  Check out these additional articles on DISC and children:

Personality Style and Motivation

Celebrate Your Child’s Unique Voice

Parenting and Teaching the High Energy Child

 

Parenting with Heart: Understanding your Child’s Personality Style

Do you sometimes feel that your children are speaking a different language?  Do you wonder how to motivate and inspire them?  In this ebook you will D-I-S-Cover your own personality style and how to speak the language of other personality styles to create a winning  environment in all the seasons of your family’s life. parentingheart Click on the link below to purchase the ebook: Parenting with Heart: Understanding Personality Style

Teaching with Heart:  Understanding Personality Style

Do you sometimes feel that students at your school are speaking a different language?  Do you wonder how to motivate and inspire them?  In this ebook you will D-I-S-Cover your own personality style and learn to work in the strengths of each personality by recognizing the secret fuel and environmental needs for each.  Understanding the personality styles of students can revolutionize how you interact and lead in the classroom! teachingdiscover

 Click on the link below to purchase the ebook:

Teaching with Heart: Understanding Personality Styles

 

Interested in having a DISC training come to your school?  Get more information here:
http://www.dreamachievercoach.com/dream-academy-educator-training/

 

How to Create a Plan for Better Behavior

I once was counseling the parents of a child who didn’t want to come to school.  After investigating the situation and making sure there wasn’t a bully at school who was intimidating him or a problem with academics that was discouraging him, we talked about setting up a reinforcement program where he could earn something for attending school without morning complaints and tantrums.  The parents were eager and cooperative. They wanted to get Johnny back in the school routine as quickly as possible. The next day I met with Johnny and asked about his new program.  He informed me that if he came to school as planned for the next few weeks, he would earn a vacation on a cruise ship over spring break with his parents.  Obviously, I had failed to clearly explain a reinforcement program and how to choose a reasonable and sensible reward…

In today’s affluent and savvy world of parenting, we are creating what Tim Elmore calls in a post the ‘encore problem’.  As parents we want to create better and better experiences for our children.  We want each year to be better than the next.  We want to wow them. Even when we are impacting a behavior with a behavior plan, we feel the need to create the ultimate reward. The problem?  We are setting the stage to continually up the anti and soon kids start expecting more and more.  If the reinforcement program that Johnny’s parents had designed had worked (and it didn’t-I’ll explain why in a moment), what were they going to do as an incentive for the weeks after spring break?  A trip to Europe? Spaceship to the moon?

Here’s what a behavior reinforcement program is designed to do and how to set up a successful one:

  • A behavior plan helps to clearly identify the behavior(s) that  is a problem and holds the child responsible. It does this by recognizing that the behaviors are a choice and the child is making a choice to cry, whine, not follow directions,  throw a tantrum etc. This seems basic but often behaviors are seen as almost involuntary by both the parent and the child if they have become an established routine.
  • A behavior plan clearly identifies the proper and expected behavior.  For example, in the school avoidance problem described above, we clearly identified how Johnny was expected to act in the morning by describing the best case scenario or a good morning routine.  Making a checklist or writing down the expectations is recommended so everyone is on the same page.
  • A behavior plan sets clear consequences for both expected and unexpected behavior.  The plan should be discussed and written down.  A positive reinforcement or reward should be reasonable and as close time-wise to the positive behavior as possible.  I often recommend earning extra time in the afternoon after school to do something the child enjoys. Improve the reward by involving the parent in the activity.  For example, parent and child could spend extra time outside playing basketball, they could enjoy a movie or video game together, read a book, cook together… really the possibilities are endless. Set a reasonable time limit for the activity of 30 minutes or so .  Make sure the reward is not something you do routinely anyway and then make sure you follow up. Notice that you don’t have to spend money or create an elaborate plan as a positive reinforcement.
  • What if the expected behavior doesn’t occur?  Again there should be a consequence as close to the behavior as possible.  In the school avoidance case mentioned above, it could be no video games or tv for the evening.  It could be no play time outside.  It could be extra time spent studying.  It could be an earlier bedtime.  The consequence should be delivered without lecturing.  There should however be a thorough review of the plan for the next day with an expectation that learning will have occurred through the mistakes made today.  Set the stage for and expect a positive experience in the future.
  • What can go wrong?
    • No follow through and lack of consistency–you have to adhere to the plan long enough for it to work.  How long is long enough?  Until it works. Seriously. That doesn’t mean you don’t review and revise it as needed.  But it also means that you don’t throw up your hands after the first few days if there isn’t a dramatic change in behavior.  It takes time to change behavior.  Think about the last time you tried to change your behavior and do something differently…
    • Creating an impossible or complicated plan— Offering a cruise for good behavior falls into this category.  If the behavior doesn’t occur are you going to cancel the family vacation?  Offering to spend all afternoon shopping with your child for toys if their behavior improves also falls into this category.  Create a plan that is easy to deliver, won’t break the bank and is going to enhance the relationship on many levels.
    • Depending on extrinsic rewards exclusively rather than fostering intrinsic rewards. A reinforcement program is not meant to last forever.  Ultimately the goal is to establish better behavior as a routine.  That is why rewards that encourage better behavior while also developing a closer relationship are ideal.  Continue to process the experience and encourage a learning and growth mindset.

Related Posts:

3 Steps to Helping Kids Develop Self-Discipline

Change Manic Mornings to Tranquil Transitions

Do Your Kids Push Your Buttons?

 

Wyatt Learns about Being Organized

It’s time to catch the school bus and Wyatt can’t find anything.  Where is his backpack?  his lunch money? Wyatt is about to learn a valuable lesson about the importance of being organized and the benefits of planning ahead.  This adorable story offers simple helpful ideas that kids and parents can use to make life less stressful and more fun.

Wyatt_the_Wonder_Dog_Front_Covr-Organized[1]
Wyatt the Wonder Dog: Learns About Being Organized

Leadership Lessons for Kids Based on Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Successful People

 

Taking the drama out of conflict

“He’s not following the rules!  He’s a cheater!”

“She is being mean to me and my friends. She won’t include us in her club.”

“She took my markers and lost them.  Now I don’t have any.”

Some days it feels like all we do as educators and parents is solve conflicts between kids. Maybe you even feel  like you’ve tried everything and you are at the end of your  rope. “Why can’t kids just get along?” we wonder.  It’s frustrating. It’s exhausting.

Here are a few ideas but get ready… most of them mean changing your mindset as well as your strategies.

  • Re-frame conflict as opportunity instead of a battle of the wills- As a parent, I used to actually thank my children when they were having a disagreement.  Sounds crazy I know, (and they’d look at me like I had lost my mind) but I’d explain that life is full of conflict and it’s good that you can learn to solve conflicts as kids.  It’s true of course;  learning to solve conflicts is a necessary life skill.
  • Create conflict rules-For example: no blaming, no name calling and no threatening. Help children define what the rules mean.  Calling someone a cheater is name calling.  Refusing to be someone’s friend if you don’t get your way is threatening.  Saying it is all your fault is blaming.  Post the rules and refer to them when needed.
  • Take the drama out of the  situation-You can of course sympathize a bit with hurt feelings but don’t let it rule the day.  Begin by establishing the facts.  What happened first?  What happened next? Teach children to clearly identify the problem. It helps to have them state the problem without any feelings attached.  Teach the difference between the facts and the feelings.  And while we are talking about feelings…
  • Teach children to be responsible for their own feelings-Most of us think that others have the power to make us mad, or sad or to hurt our feelings. Disagreements provide a great opportunity to teach that others don’t have that power.  We control our own feelings by what we tell ourselves about the situation.
  • Teach a variety of ways to problem solve and resolve conflicts-Does one child want to play with a toy and the other not want to share?  Ask them to list all the possible solutions to the problem.  Then rather than you as the parent or teacher making the executive decision have them work together to decide which choice is best.
  • Recognize your own feelings surrounding conflict and interpersonal differences.  Just as  children come with their own personalities, we as parents and educators have our own temperament and our own history with conflict as well.  Were you the youngest child in your family who felt continually picked on by the oldest?  Were you the middle child who felt you had to create conflict to get noticed?  Our own history may flavor how we react to conflict in our children.  Make sure that you are operating out of a calm space and teaching good skills rather than taking sides or replaying your own history.

As parents and educators, we aren’t just solving kids’ problems today, we are teaching them how to solve much bigger conflicts later in life.  Does this take more time than simply telling kids to stop fighting and get along?  Yes!  But in the long run you are teaching important skills as well as saving time because children are learning strategies to solve their own problems rather than rely on you to solve problems for them.

Related posts:

What to do when kids argue

How do you do things in your family?

3 Steps to Help Your Child Develop Self-Discipline

 

Wyatt Learns about Good Manners

Wyatt is always wondering about something and lately it is how to get his friend, Max to change his bossy ways.  What can he do?  Join Wyatt as he considers some rather unusual options until he finally discovers that a heart to heart talk with Max can create a new friendship with an old friend. Wyatt_the_Wonder_Dog_Cover_Manners_Kindle

Wyatt the Wonder Dog: Learns About Good Manners

On Teachers Pay Teachers:

Free Product Situation Cards for Lessons on Conflict

 

 

 

 

 

3 Ways to Develop Resilient Kids

Tuesday, February 7th, I’ll be attending an event raising money for a thirteen year old boy who experienced a brain injury after a biking accident.  In a networking group this week, I talked to a business owner who has had cancer of the eye, his daughter has recovered from a brain tumor and his wife is a breast cancer survivor.  While you probably don’t know these individuals, I bet you know someone who has had similar challenges to overcome. Sometimes it is a physical challenge, sometimes it is an environmental challenge and other times it is a mental challenge.

After talking with someone about personal challenges like this, I always ask, “What is it that sustains you and gets you through the  experience?”   I get a lot of answers but if I were to summarize the attributes of a resilient individual I’d list the following…

  1. A growth mindset instead of a victim mindset–Individuals who believe that change and growth is possible stay engaged in practices that help them overcome their current circumstances. They follow treatment protocols, they ask for help and guidance, they set goals and follow the steps necessary to attain them.  Individuals with a victim mindset give up and allow their  circumstances to control the outcome.
  2. A community environment instead of an isolated environment–Community can take many forms.  For some it is their faith community while for others it is their family or friends and co-workers.  Regardless of who makes up the support community, resilient people don’t try to go it alone.  Difficult as it may be, they learn to ask for and receive help.  They share their struggles with others.  Not only do they reap the benefit but often their challenges pull the community closer together as well.
  3. A personal sense of purpose and identity instead of low self-esteem— Resilient individuals believe they have something unique to offer and they are determined to make a difference in their world through their strengths and skills.  They take failure and hardship in stride as part of the necessary road to success.  They don’t let their circumstances define who they are but maintain a strong sense of self and purpose. They don’t waste time wishing their life was easy and problem free.  Instead they allow their situation to help them develop mental and physical muscles that sustain them through the tough times.

How can we as parents and educators instill resiliency in our children?

  1. Foster a growth mindset–Encourage children to see obstacles as challenges to be overcome.  Instead of asking, “Why me?” teach them to ask “How can I learn from this?”
  2. Create a supportive community–We all need encouragers and teachers in our lives. Don’t wait for a crisis to establish a community in your life or your children’s lives. Develop systems of support and be that support for others as well.
  3. Develop a personal sense of identity and purpose–Help children develop a sense of who they are as worthwhile individuals with something to offer the world. Challenge them to learn from failure and celebrate success.

Related Posts:

Developing Resiliency:  The Story behind Kid President

Before there is Grit, there is pain

5 Ways to Help Children Develop Grit

 

Want to bring the Dream Achiever Academy Training Program to your school? Here’s how:

Dream Achiever Academy Educator Training

Dream Achiever Academy Parent Training

 

Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning

Wyatt the Wonder Dog didn’t make it on the All Star baseball team and he feels like a loser.  All  his friends will be playing baseball this summer, while he and his pesky sister, Callie, visit grandparents at the beach.  How Wyatt learns to handle disappointment and failure will be an important lesson for the future.  Will he give up trying new things?  Will he have the confidence to try again?  Are there some things that take more practice and persistence to learn than others? Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns About Winning
Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Winning (Wyatt the Wonder Dog Books) (Volume 5)

 

Is your child a people pleaser?

Is there a child in your life that is a people pleaser?

Are they always looking for  approval and recognition?

Do they worry too much about fitting in?

Do they complain that they have no friends?

Do they have trouble taking initiative, even in situations where they have experience and ability?

Young children are often naturally authentic.  They don’t worry about giving the right answer or comparing their efforts to someone else.  In fact, this was one of the things that made teaching lessons in kindergarten so fun and entertaining.  I never knew what students would say in answer to questions.

However at some point, the comparison trap kicks in and children begin to recognize and value the opinions of others. Soon they are worried about saying the right thing, doing the right thing and even wearing the right clothes.  In her excellent book on The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown pinpoints the age that this begins to show up as around fourth grade, although I think it happens much younger. Brown goes on to define authenticity as the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we are.  

Considering authenticity a practice is good news for all of us who have been compulsive people pleasers because it means that being authentic is actually a choice albeit a choice that we must make over and over on a daily basis.  How can we share this information with the children in our lives and encourage a lifetime of authenticity rather than comparison and people pleasing?  Teaching and modeling authenticity is tricky business for sure. Here are some tips:

  • Re-frame mistakes and failure as learning not losing.  Look for the opportunity to learn in every experience.  This helps defeat the need to compare my score or success with yours.
  • Praise the effort and intention behind the work rather than the end result.  Teach children to practice self-talk that  models this so that they can encourage themselves to be authentic even when you are not available to encourage them in this direction. As Brene Brown says, “Talk to yourself as if you were talking to someone you love.”
  • Model authentic behavior as well as a brave attitude when faced with challenges yourself so that you can teach through example as well as words.
  • Use the examples found in the lives of well known people who have followed their own vision and mission rather than conform to the expectations of others.

Related posts:

Teach girls bravery not perfection

Positive Storytelling

Celebrate your child’s unique voice

 

Wyatt the Wonder Dog Learns about Friendship

It’s not easy being the new kid at school, especially if you are a cat and everyone else is a dog.  How do you make friends?  Can you even be friends with someone who is totally different from you?  Wyatt the Wonder Dog helps solve Ami’s friendship problem with empathy and compassion. A great story for teaching children the critical life skill of making friends.

Wyatt the Wonder Dog-Friendship Cover (1)

Wyatt Learns about Friendship

 

 

 

 

Related posts:

7 ways to help the perfectionistic child

Two secrets to help kids get organized

“I lost my homework!  I did it though… really I did.”

“Tomorrow is spirit day and I can’t find my school shirt.”

“My project is due tomorrow and I haven’t even gotten started.”

Sound familiar?  The bane of every parent and teacher’s existence is helping kids develop organizational skills.  Like many social skills though, we often fail to specifically teach kids what to do.  Instead we give it a one shot mini-lecture and then  feel it should be obvious.

Doesn’t everyone know that you shouldn’t wait until the last minute to start a project?

How many times have you told your students to put their homework in their homework folder as soon as it is completed?

However, even as adults we often don’t model the skills that we think children should master.  Here is a strategy that will help parents, teachers and kids alike to be more organized:

Create bookends around your day

  • Begin your day with a daily focus-set your priorities for the day including a time frame for each.  This doesn’t mean on the way out the door you hurriedly remind your child that you will be picking them up early today for that dentist appointment. Instead you set aside a specific time each morning to review what is on tap for the day.  It doesn’t have to be lengthy but a checklist could be helpful.  Include things like:  special activities,  homework, encouragement for upcoming tasks and plans for after school.  As you review the calendar it  might sound something like this:
    • Okay John, today is Tuesday so that means you take your tennis shoes for PE. Do you have your math homework in your backpack? Remember you have practice after school so we will go straight there.  You got a change of clothes? Great!  Have I forgotten anything?  Okay, do your best on that math test, I know you really studied hard.  Make it a great day!
    • Okay class, today is Tuesday and here are the highlights of our day:
      • We have PE first then we will visit the library.  Make sure you have any books that you need to return on your desktop.
      • Next we will have a math test
      • After lunch we will go straight outside for recess and then come in for reading groups  followed by health and social studies.  Any questions?
  • End your day with a review and preparation for the next day.  List things that are incomplete.  Organize and clean up your work area so that you begin fresh.  Review your calendar and prepare any items that you need for the next day so you can get off to a great start.  As you review the calendar or an agenda it might sound like this:
    • Okay John, before you go to bed let’s review for tomorrow.  You’ve got your clothes out for tomorrow, right?  It’s going to be cold so plan to wear your jacket.  Is your homework in your book bag?  Did you make your lunch or are you buying lunch tomorrow at school? 
    • Okay class, has everyone copied your homework in your agenda?  Do you have your math book so you can do your homework?  Be sure to study your review sheet for your health test tomorrow.  Tomorrow is PE so wear tennis shoes.

Notice that you are training students in how to plan for their day but this requires some organization on your part as well! This is not meant to be a lengthy process that takes more than a few minutes.  Use visuals to help in tracking such as a calendar, an agenda, checklists etc.  Once you have established the habit you may not even have to review each of the different parts but simply ask if they have completed their preparation for the next day.  Best wishes for an organized new year.

Related Articles:

Create success with organizational skills

Raising a happy child

How to create an intentional year

 

Wyatt Learns about Being Organized

It’s time to catch the school bus and Wyatt can’t find anything.  Where is his backpack?  his lunch money? Wyatt is about to learn a valuable lesson about the importance of being organized and the benefits of planning ahead.  This adorable story offers simple helpful ideas that kids and parents can use to make life less stressful and more fun.

Wyatt_the_Wonder_Dog_Front_Covr-Organized[1]
Wyatt the Wonder Dog: Learns About Being Organized